walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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