great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
