ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
