Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
