Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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