guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
