the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
