East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
