O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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