I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
