The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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