I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
