When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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