We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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