Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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