Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
