I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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