Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
