And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
