mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
