Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
