I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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