I love black thongs
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
