Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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