Sponge bath it is.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Houston, we have a blender
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
