so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
