That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
