just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
