she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
