I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
