One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
