I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
