My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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