I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize