sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
