this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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