dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
