I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
