What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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