They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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