I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Mom said you looked used
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize