Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
