whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
3pm strippers are depressing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
