It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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