That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
