today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
