Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
