woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
