I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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