I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
