phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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