I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My bed smells like the plague
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
