We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
